The Alan Test
Socializing has always felt like work to me. I have to think about what I'm going to say to people I don't know that well, attempt to get over my shyness so I don't look like a wallflower (which usually ends up happening). When I'm standing talking to no one, I think to myself "why did I come? I don't want to be here." I've been told I may suffer from some form of social anxiety, that it's more than just being shy. Who knows?
One of the reasons I love my wife is because she has grown to understand that socializing is not something I particularly enjoy. I once said I would rather have a filling filled, without anesthesia, than go to certain social event, which may sound extreme, but it was true.
I also don't really like sitting at home, watching 48 Hours Mystery on a Saturday night (although, for some reason I've gotten a little hooked on that show) so we have, or maybe I have, developed the Alan test.
Alan is a spouse of a friend of Lauren's. He represents, to some degree, all partners of Stanford linguistics graduate students. At times, I've gone to social outings with Lauren where I was the only partner, and it always feels a bit more uncomfortable when that happens. The Alan test works as follows:
Lauren: Honey, do you want to go to _____?
Me: Will Alan be there?
If Alan, or some other partner, will be there, I'm more likely to go. If she doesn't know if other partners will be there, I tend not to go.
I should mention that Alan is a lot more social than I am. I've heard him talking about things ranging from his feelings about absentee voting to the concept of ex-cons becoming cops. I'm not so good at talking about whatever, but I'm happy to listen to other people, because then I can at least feel like I'm being social.
My aunt, knowing that I never seem to know what to talk about with strangers, once sent me an article from some Sunday newspaper. It was called "How to be a good dinner party guest", or something. The article suggested you bring up pets when you don't know anything about the person you're talking to. The reasoning was that people would either have some kind of history with pets they would like talking about, or have some story explaining why they don't like pets. Knowing my luck, I'd end up talking to someone, like our old neighbor, who seemed to despise pets, and go on and on about it. I don't need that - who does, really?
As luck would have it, Lauren was going to a social event last night, and Alan was going to be there. I had to decide. I ended up not going, because I'd been grading papers, working all day and didn't want to keep working at night because socializing has always felt like work to me.
One of the reasons I love my wife is because she has grown to understand that socializing is not something I particularly enjoy. I once said I would rather have a filling filled, without anesthesia, than go to certain social event, which may sound extreme, but it was true.
I also don't really like sitting at home, watching 48 Hours Mystery on a Saturday night (although, for some reason I've gotten a little hooked on that show) so we have, or maybe I have, developed the Alan test.
Alan is a spouse of a friend of Lauren's. He represents, to some degree, all partners of Stanford linguistics graduate students. At times, I've gone to social outings with Lauren where I was the only partner, and it always feels a bit more uncomfortable when that happens. The Alan test works as follows:
Lauren: Honey, do you want to go to _____?
Me: Will Alan be there?
If Alan, or some other partner, will be there, I'm more likely to go. If she doesn't know if other partners will be there, I tend not to go.
I should mention that Alan is a lot more social than I am. I've heard him talking about things ranging from his feelings about absentee voting to the concept of ex-cons becoming cops. I'm not so good at talking about whatever, but I'm happy to listen to other people, because then I can at least feel like I'm being social.
My aunt, knowing that I never seem to know what to talk about with strangers, once sent me an article from some Sunday newspaper. It was called "How to be a good dinner party guest", or something. The article suggested you bring up pets when you don't know anything about the person you're talking to. The reasoning was that people would either have some kind of history with pets they would like talking about, or have some story explaining why they don't like pets. Knowing my luck, I'd end up talking to someone, like our old neighbor, who seemed to despise pets, and go on and on about it. I don't need that - who does, really?
As luck would have it, Lauren was going to a social event last night, and Alan was going to be there. I had to decide. I ended up not going, because I'd been grading papers, working all day and didn't want to keep working at night because socializing has always felt like work to me.
posted by Jefferson at 5:25 PM
1 Comments:
Woot, Alan is now an internet celebrity! I love your examples of his random conversation topics, it's very true. Last night he talked about the world's oldest map, for some reason.
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