you look like someone who wants help

When I was in college, on an almost daily basis, strangers would come up and talk to me. I always thought it was odd, and told a friend of mine about it. Her response was: "you look like someone who wants help."

I was on facebook today and saw that someone had posted a picture that I was in, from 1996. It was weird to see it, because it brought back these memories of that time in my life - not the specific goings on when that picture was taken (I actually have no memory of that picture being taken or exactly where we were), but of what the picture represented.

I was transferring the stuff from my old computer to my new one today, and was listening to songs to put on my ipod and heard Do What You Have to Do by Sarah McLachlan and Summertime by The Sundays, and I was taken back to the same time of that picture.

I realize how different a person I was in the late 1990s than I am now. I was this insecure young man, who was deeply affected by things like a song and the people I met and knew. Looking at myself in the picture, I feel like I look like I want help. I am left to wonder what that Jefferson was thinking, and what he would think of who he is now.

The friend who thought I wanted help went on to say I had a look that was begging to be talked to, because I looked timid and out of place. At the time, I just thought she was messing with me, because she did that a lot, but looking at that picture now, I know what she means.

I've always been shy, and will probably always be. But I'd like to think that I'm a much more confident person than the young man in the picture. Of course, 12 years later, I should be more confident, but I think there's even more to it than that. I can't say exactly what it is, but I don't look like someone who wants help anymore, even when I do.

The Last Day was the Longest

I've been working on an MBA since August 2006. I had my last class on Thursday. I spent close to 12 hours at the class's site on Thursday, finishing up our final project from 10 am to 6 pm, then attending class from 6 to 10 pm. I didn't think my last day in the program would be my longest.

On Friday, I felt this need to go to De Anza, so I did. I didn't do much there; checked my mail and did minor things in my office, but I just felt like I needed to be there.

Since August 2006, my life has had 3 parts to it: my home life, my work life and my school life. Work and school took up a lot of time. Looking back now, I don't see how I got through the month of March this year. I brought this up to Lauren the other night, and she said she remembers watching me go from one task to the next, looking like I was burning myself out. I don't think I realized how much time I was spending on work and school at the time, I just knew that I had things to do, and did them.

My school life is now done. It reminds me of when I did theater in high school, and that odd feeling the day after the last performance. This big chuck of life, and the people in that life, just gone; the people I saw weekly (and sometimes on Saturdays) from 6-10 at 180 Rose Orchard.

The people from the MBA aren't gone gone, but I won't see them much anymore; no complaining about the workload, or talking about the shock of getting A's in our law class (I'm still shocked about that, over 4 months after it happened), or not understanding exactly what the professor wants from assignments, or reading cases, doing power point presentations, writing papers, taking exams, etc.

I think it's going to take a while for me to realize that I'm done. Right now, I'm just glad to have finished up the 2 classes I just took. The thought that I'm not going to take anymore hasn't completely set in yet. I think it will set in when I start to miss the program, and especially the people I met in the program.

Until then, I find myself wanting to do De Anza work, as a way of filling the void.

Wii Tennis

I just broke the 2000 point mark on Wii Tennis. It made my day.