In My Mind I'm Gone to Michigan
I left Michigan almost exactly 8 years ago. It's hard to believe that it's been that long; it's hard to believe that I've lived in California longer than I ever lived in Michigan. For some reason, every time I hear Carolina in My Mind, I think of Michigan - I know, it makes no sense.
People talk about a certain time of your life that clings to you, the time you grow up, the "time of your life". That time came for me in Michigan. I never felt like an adult in Maryland - I still don't, when I go back to visit my family; I still feel like the awkward guy, who doesn't really believe in himself, and has no assertiveness.
That's one of the reasons I went to school so far away from Towson. I wanted to grow up, so I only applied to schools that were far from home - Georgia Tech, Clemson, Michigan, Michigan State, Illinois, Purdue, and Maryland (not far from home, but there was no way I was going to go there, unless I was rejected from every other school).
Michigan State was not my top choice, not even my second choice, but when a school says they will pay your tuition, you listen. So I ended up in East Lansing, not knowing a soul, and ended up living there for seven years.
There is nothing in particular I miss about Michigan; when I lived there all I thought about was moving away. But lately, with the economic situation the state is in, every time I see an ad for the state (I see more ads from the state of MI than any other state), I get this sadness, this longing to go back.
I didn't see much of Michigan when I was there, so my memories are primarily of the MSU campus in Fall, Winter (beautiful to look at, not so beautiful to live through), and Spring. I don't know if I just want to go back to see the campus, or actually see more of the state.
Either way, I don't really see when I will be able to get back to Michigan. I have no family there, I never seem to have to go there on business of any kind, and so if I go, I would be going for the sake of going to Michigan, and with the economy the way it is, I don't know if that's money I would want to spend.
So instead, I sit here, thinking of the life I had 8-15 years ago.
posted by Jefferson at 4:48 PM
2 Comments:
I know what you mean. I think about going to MI sometimes too. I went in the fall for Chong-Anna's baby shower. I often think that it's a weird, that it's a part of my life that I won't visit.
It's interesting to read your comments, especially as someone who lived two doors down from you for an entire school year. Even though I'm still in Lansing, I have those same yearnings to go back to that time. At least for me, though, I think it's because I've forgotten all the uncertainty and hardship of that stage of my life. I also mourn the loss of unlimited potential and the excitement of having my entire life ahead of me. But in exchange, I, too, now have a job I love that pays me well, a better understanding of who I am, and a sense of peace that comes from the stability (and autonomy) of adulthood. Even so, I still dream of breaking away. Luckily, we always have options and choices to make (like going to Oxford for a few years!).
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